Tuesday, July 3, 2012

What I wanted to write then. . .

A looming menace.
Chaos in the streets. Much more than usual.
Explosions like gun fire in an unsleeping war.
Children's high pitched squeals.
My heart beats out of my chest.
My eyes unsure whether to open wide or squeeze out the light.
Let in shards of sight or cast them out entirely?
Do you want to know what happens next?

I can barely see my own hands in front of me, the dusty unpaved path, shop lined streets.
Flickering and exploding fire; the source of all light.
My legs begin to shake, despite your warmth, holding and heating my hand.
Steady and true.
Fearless, in an ocean of confused, distrustful eyes.
Shining with the light of pure madness. Or truth.
But I'm not sure if they see the same. If their truth is the same.
This would be the night. This would be the moment.
When woulds could become shoulds, to really test us.
Ice invades my fingertips and toes and makes its way towards my heart.
Inhale. . .too shallow so I don't notice the world holding its breath around me.
Stop in mid step. This is not the right way, we should not be here.
You ignore my defiance and keep walking, pulling my arm behind you.
I want to shout. Fear and anger mixes in my stomach, chili peppers grated and inhaled, desperate for dissipation.

Before release, the moment transitions. . .
The shadows of two children bending down.
A spark. A line of glowing orange. . .a quick gasp and then



Sparkling purple confetti strewn across the night sky, for an instant, lights our walking path.
Shining eyes; smiling, laughing, enjoying the night.

I am transported to a 5 cent Carousel miles and decades away. The plaster horses, lions; a travelling circus. Complete with pipe organ melodies to accompany the spinning scenery outside the shells of immovable beasts. The ultimate joy for my under 10 years of experience. This place is safe.

Fear turns to 10 year old joy. Wonder comes along to ponder the impossibly natural transition. The smile appears before I have time to recognize its forming. We laugh with the children, the families, the old, the dogs, the cows, the merchants as they celebrate, Diwali.
The most wonderful time of their year.

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