Sole Debater

This life, so far, has been about discovery.

Everything has been a very big question mark. I mean, big questions. Like why are we here? What does it all mean? Why this set of circumstances and not a different set? Why me? Why now?

Everything around me changes.

Sometimes there are cages full of chickens strapped to the tops of cars.

Sometimes there are thick grey clouds that bury landscapes in snow over night.

Sometimes there are frijoles fried on hot slabs of metal and folded into wheat tortillas on street corners.

Sometimes there are conbinis open 24/7 staffed by sleeping high school students who aren't allowed to have jobs.

Sometimes there are bicycle rickshaw drivers resting on the seats of their rickshaws.

Sometimes there are cities so congested it takes hours to walk a few blocks.

Sometimes there are faces that blend into one another and become unrecognizable from strangers'.

Sometimes there are trees and bushes so thick there is no path.

Sometimes there are smiles carved so deeply in my memory, I am sure I will remember them in lives to come.

Sometimes there are sand hills and cacti.

Sometimes there are rocks reaching up to the sky.

Sometimes there are clouds reflected in an expansive glass that shatters with rain and rolls with wind.

Sometimes there are stars.

Sometimes there are beams of colour that dance ballet across the sky.

Sometimes there are families, biological or otherwise.

Sometimes there is loneliness.

Sometimes I wonder if travelling through space also means travelling through time. I wonder if any different place on earth really is a different place or if it's all just the same place at a different time. That doesn't mean forward or backwards time, just different.

I wonder if every story is the same story just from a different perspective.

And all the people are me, but with a different set of circumstances.

I don't care about money or cars or clothes or popular kids or being cool. Maybe that means I will never have or be any of those things. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe it means I will be a hypocrite one day. Maybe it means I already am one. I don't really care. It's important to know both sides, I think. . .somewhere deep inside of me. You can't really say anything about any side if you don't know both. And you can't know anything. So really, you can't say anything either.

I think this life has been about discovery. I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm a reincarnation of a very old soul. I sometimes feel that I am. Why the heck would I be so concerned about how I'm living otherwise? Why the heck do I feel so old all the time? Why am I so bored and unimpressed by all of the shiny things the world keeps trying to throw at me? There's no explanation that I can come up with. I've always been bored of it. It's not my parents and it's not my friends and it's not that I'm a rebellious insolent punk rocker on purpose. That's just how I feel. And I don't even like punk. . .
. . .anymore.

I'm much more interested in the unmatched originality that exists in the bark of each tree. The contours of the earth from the top of a mountain. How the sky ever got so blue and how gigantic and tiny the world is at the same time. I genuinely don't understand why other people don't appreciate each moment and the fact that they are breathing air and thinking thoughts and hearing sounds and tasting the inside of their mouths (or maybe gum or maybe the lingering smoke of a cigarette or cup of coffee, or maybe the saliva of their lover's mouth) faster than they can comprehend and that this. Moment. Will. Never. Come. Back. Ever.

It's gone. And it keeps going. So quickly you can't catch it.

AND YET, we live. We make plans. We do things. We fall in love. We die. And so do bajillions of other people, plants, animals, civilizations, planets, universes, etc.

How are we not in a constant state of wonder?

How can anything else be more important?

How can we think we have even an ounce of control?

How can we not bow down in amazement. . .at life?

If I feel that my hard work will pay off, I'm not totally sure what kind of pay off I'm expecting.

The hard work that I've been doing has not felt that hard and has not been any kind of work that most people on this earth would acknowledge or respect.

I have not contributed that much to society, at least not yet, or not in a measurable way. I have not held a long term 'job'.

My work is much more about examining myself and trying to be a better person. It has been about learning more about the world and the people in it. It has been about learning how to be compassionate and love people better. It has been about serving the world. It has been about trying not to be selfish.

I'm not sure what the pay off for this is. I'm not sure I believe in an afterlife or heaven even though earlier I talked about reincarnation. I do think that reincarnation might be real but I'm not striving for good karma. I'm not trying to have a better next life. . .at least not intentionally.

I'm striving to have a better this life. I'm striving to learn more about myself so that I can determine where I would be most happy, what I think, who I am, why and how to best live in this world based on that. How I can best change the world to help others be more happy too. But maybe that just means I am a trouble maker.

Today I was thinking about something that I think I want to do. . .and that is to make things more levelled. To try to show the beauty in even the most ugly of things. To try to show the hope in even the most despondent situations. To try to show that seed in which the next moment will grow.

I think that needs to be an important part to my expression and my art. To try to show something horrible or a character at their worst point and how that worst point leads to the birth of something new. I think that will be a theme over the course of the next few decades, probably. At least hopefully. . .or I feel that we're all in for big trouble. So probably good to start with that.

We can be saved

If we build a bridge.
Not a tower or a bomb or a dam or a nuclear power plant.
If we build a bridge.
Not a riot or a genocide or a war or a conquest.
If we build a bridge.
Not a clear cutting or a mass poisoning or an extracting or a mining.
If we build a bridge.
Not a mass extinction.

A bridge that anyone can cross.  A bridge that is built by all of us.  7 billion+ strong.  It is built on a foundation of love with beams made of hope and courage and bolted together by trust, ingenuity, imagination and integrity.  A bridge that finally sees the preciousness of unique and each person's individuality as equal.  A bridge where diversity adds beauty and colour to the design.  A bridge that leads us from the banks of the status quo, over impossible to a new land we haven't yet seen. 

It's impossible.
If we don't work together.
It's impossible.
If we wait too long to realize the potential that is innate in each of us.
It's impossible.
If we're not willing to entertain the power of love to transform and heal.
It's impossible.
If we don't start with ourselves and start building our relationships with others.  Old and young.  Male and Female.  Conservative and Liberal.  Capitalists/Free-market advocates and Socialists/Communists.  White and Black and Red and Yellow.  Rural and Urban.  Christian and Muslim and Hindu and Buddhist and Jain and Sikh and etc.  We're all in this together.

This is personal.  This is global.  This is it.  Now or never.  Let's make it worth living for.

Ecological Flaw

Ok so let me get this straight.

We were born into a world with lungs which breath Oxygen to nourish our cells and pump blood through our bodies before turning it into Carbon dioxide and exhaling it.  The air was clean and full of everything we needed to breathe.

We were born into a world with abundant vegetation and wildlife that all work together to reproduce themselves, which may not always look harmonious close up, but have natural checks and balances to keep one species from growing out of control so that overall harmony is maintained.  We were able to eat all of that food directly, most without any cooking necessary (although most times it was preferable) to nourish and sustain ourselves for long periods of time.  Without any pesticides or chemicals.  Without any packages or preservatives.

We were born into a world that once had clean fresh water that makes up some 50-78% of our body and is essential for our survival, abundantly available to most of us for free.

But then. . .

We were born into a world that put prices on these things.
We were born into a world that makes us sound crazy when we demand these things for free.
We were born into a world that puts more and more pressure on farmers who are trying to provide these necessities to use chemicals and corporate products that in turn poison and pollute the water, animals, crops and air.
We were born into a world that made necessities less and less accessible to the common people.
We were born into a world that sees that natural world as separate, alien, wild, dangerous, old fashioned, backwards. . .
We were born into a world that valued things like gold, oil, diamonds, silver, money. . .none of which help us to survive.

If we have no clean water and no safe food and no clean air, it doesn't matter how much gold or silver or diamonds or iphones or cars or oil refineries or investments or gucci or prada you have.  You can't buy your way out of this.  All castles and all slums still exists on this planet.
This is everyone's problem.  If we don't collectively try to find solutions, we will all suffer the consequences.  They will touch everyone as all water and all air circulate to touch everyone around the world.  In our existence on this planet, we are one people.  The ability with which we can work together will determine whether or not we survive.  Let's put the necessities back on the table and start taking up stocks in fresh water, clean air and organic produce until they are so abundant they are worthless again.

Happy Women's Day

Lately there are so many things that I want to write about!  I've been writing raps and poems and getting some ideas and emotions out.  I still have ambitions to write a book but I haven't gotten  past page 5 yet.  It's something that I feel would be important to write. . .but it hasn't aroused my passion yet. . .writing the descriptive, background bits isn't nearly as exciting as directly relating news/stories to friends and family.  Maybe if I can try to incorporate the story-telling aspect a bit more. . . .hmm. . .anyway.

In the spirit of International Women's Day I would like to talk about a topic very close to my heart.  Women.
The older I get and the more informed I am of world issues and situations and cultures and classes and all of those things, the more I understand that the world is a very hard place for a woman.  I know that it is controversial to say so, but I would almost argue that it's getting worse, at least in Western culture.
More and more women are used in advertising with less and less clothes and less and less importance given to anything but their bodies.
Compensated dating seems to be becoming normalized and is almost glorified by some all-girl Japanese teen groups like AKB48 in their lyrics.

I went to see my friend's play a few weeks ago which was a kind of spinoff of the Vagina Monologues and there was a performance about sex workers.  It really confused me.  It's not that I think sex workers don't deserve rights.  That's obviously not the case.  Sex workers should certainly be given equal protection, should not face discrimination, should have equal rights and liberties like everyone else (ok, "like everyone else" is debatable. . .since practically speaking most people aren't given the same rights. . .even though legally they are entitled to them, but that's not the point I'm trying to make).  For me, that is a non-issue and SHOULD be commonplace.  The issue I have is that it seems that more and more women are looking to sex work at younger ages as a means to procure funds.  Whether it be for tuition, Coach bags, spending money or taking care of a young family.  This seems to be almost encouraged by the media. . .perhaps not in a direct way, but by promoting women that were or are sex workers in reality TV shows or other Hollywood type ventures.

I guess the issues that I have here, if they're not obvious already is that it's setting a very dangerous precedent for young viewers of TV and the Internet who are bombarded with these images and lifestyles and made to think that they might be normal reflections of people.  That these are the women who are on TV, in the public eye and so these are the women you should aspire to be.  Women in popular everything have to fit into this extremely narrow definition of "beautiful" and then promote themselves as being focused on pleasing a man in whatever way he might desire.  It has nothing to do with their brain.  It has nothing to do with what is important to them or what they want to see for their country or the world or girls in general or their daughters.  Where are the strong, intelligent, multifaceted, powerful and respectable women?  Where are the Claire Huxtables??

Not only that, but it's concerning to me that women see sex work as the most viable option.  The economy is bad and it's hard to get a job and pay for things that you want (that you are told you should be able to afford because everyone on TV has one) or sometimes that you need to advance yourself in life (hopefully). . .so sex work offers a solution.  But why is that the only solution?  Why is that seen as the best solution for the young girls in our society who are often times smart and going to college or university?  What about their male contemporaries?  Are they having the same problems with funds?  What are they doing instead?  Drugs?  Crime?

To me these are very concerning issues that I feel pressured to accept for some reason and I'm not sure why.  I'm not especially religious and I don't have any problem with sexual freedom but I think there are some deeper issues here that should be addressed and that we should be more concerned about as a society.  If we're already at this point, what is the next step for future generations?

Cycle of Poverty

If you are a poor woman from Nepal, from a poor community with a poor family who is struggling to make ends meet. . .
probably you have no access to education
probably your family will be expected to pay a dowry to the family of the man who marries you
probably you feel desperate and hopeless

If a recruiter comes to your village offering you a job in India, where you can work as someone's house girl, learn to read and write, make enough money to send home to your parents and pay for your dowry. . .
probably your family will have to pay the recruiter a relatively large sum to secure the position for you 
probably you will feel hopeful and cling to that hope
probably your family will see it as a way to give their child a better future

probably the recruiter is lying

If you go with that recruiter and they do get you across the border into India or another country. . .
probably you will be sold for a relatively large sum to someone else
probably you will have your documents taken away
probably you will not be given paid work
probably you will suffer abuse emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually
likely you will be working in a brothel
likely you will be beaten or physically abused
likely you will never see your family again
maybe you will escape

If you get rescued by an NGO that is working to stop human trafficking. . .
probably the NGO will recieve a large sum of money from donors (like the European Union) to help you
probably you will be given a safe place to stay
probably you will be repatriated to Nepal
probably you will be treated well, though perhaps patronizingly by workers there
probably you will be "rehabilitated" to go back into society although, because of the cultural emphasis on virginal wives and stigma attached to sex, your prospects for marriage are not very good nor are your chances of procuring your livelihood
probably you will be returned to your village and your family who may or may not accept you
probably you will not receive any education, training or instruction that will help you make a better life for yourself back in the place you began

Since the same conditions are still in place in your village, it is likely that the same process will happen again.

All along the cycle, money is changing hands and good paying jobs are created for everyone but the exploited person.  The jobs and the money is there because of the exploited person and yet, they don't see any of it.
There is a market for this, clearly, and where there is a market there are people who are equally desperate or else evil, who are taking advantage of it.  Even in NGOs, the focus, often times is only to rescue girls without looking at the bigger picture; "why are these people so poor, desperate and hopeless in the first place?" No steps are taken to remedy those problems.

The factors are different but the same general situation repeats itself anywhere there is poverty, desperation and hopelessness.  Those 3 things are increasingly prevelant in our society.  If we don't stand up against injustices and the horrible treatment of humans, no matter who they are or where they are from, we are setting the precedent that it's tolerable and thus we invite the same treatment onto ourselves.
We take the stability of our lives, social status, wealth, health and well being for granted.  Everything is constantly changing, faster and faster as time goes on.  In one moment everything could be turned completely upside down.

Toxic Snapping Turtles

I read this article today about a ban on the hunting of Snapping Turtles in Ontario.  Snapping turtles can still be hunted by Ontarians that have a fishing license and because becoming a mature snapping turtle of about 20 years of age requires miraculous luck in the first place (0.07% make it in Algonquin Park where hunting is illegal!) hunting them at an undocumented rate may not be advisable.  Ok, I guess that's fine.

Oh wait, what' s this? “Nine of the 12 turtles that we had tested ... were at a level that was unsafe for any woman of childbearing age or any child under the age of 15,” Urquhart said of the PCB levels, noting three of the turtles were not safe for anyone to consume. “If you eat snapping turtles, because they live so long, it could be really hazardous to your health depending how old the turtle is and where you hunt from.”

That's from the same article in the Toronto Sun.  Interestingly, a number of other news sources reporting on the same story (some examples: 1, 2, 3)  failed to include anything about the PCB levels in the turtles and only mentioned the hunting issue and concerns for the species' extinction.

At least the issue of the turtle's toxicity is being mentioned in some articles, I guess.  But a very important point is being glossed over.  If you recall grade 9 science class, you may remember Bioamplification or Biomagnification.  In short, this is the process where the level of toxins in a living organism increases depending on where they sit in the food chain.  Usually the toxins like PCBs are present in the water or plants because of pollution from industrial waste, chemicals or agricultural run-off.  These toxins have adverse effects on all of the living organisms that come into contact with the pollutant but the severity magnifies up the food chain.  The adverse effects are most prominent in larger organisms because they eat smaller organisms who have eaten smaller organisms, etc. who have all been contaminated.

So, my concern is: if 9 out of 12 turtles were at a level that was unsafe for women of childbearing age and children under 15. . .3 of which were not safe for anyone to consume and snapping turtles have a life span exceeding 40 years (I realize that's not a concrete number). . .what kind of state is our fresh water in??  What does that mean for us who, in the past, on average, have lived for double that amount of time?  The article says that turtles don't face strict regulations like fish for consumption do. . .but it doesn't mean the fish come from better water or conditions, just that they don't live as long and aren't able to accumulate as many toxins.  For humans though, that generally live longer than both fish and snapping turtles, eat much more, especially with a growing obesity epidemic and are supposedly at the top of the food chain, I think there is reason for concern.

PCBs and Mercury (which were both present, though mercury wasn't at unacceptable levels) can lead to impaired functioning and birth defects.  The effects of toxins are amplified in the eggs of the mother and also concentrated in breast milk which is obviously detrimental to the development of a baby.  That means our babies or our children's babies if you are too old to have them at this point.

Yes, we should probably stop hunting snapping turtles.  We should also take better care of the environment and especially our water systems that sustain ecosystems, animals, plants (read FOOD and DRINKING WATER), run into the oceans and seas and keep all of us alive and healthy.

The level of toxicity in snapping turtles is scary.  It seems that putting a ban on hunting them won't change much if their habitat is already poisoned.  Why aren't we doing more to address this issue?

Pushed forcefully into now

All this climate change stuff and apocalypse stuff. . .ok, let's just say for argument's sake that it's going to happen.  Just for a minute, if you will, let your mind take you there.  I don't care if you want to actually believe it or not in real life, this is just a thought experiment.

So. . .ok. . .awesome.  How are you feeling?  Scared?  Angry?  Uneasy?  Justified?  Smug?  Excited?
What are you going to do now?  Buy lots of gold?  Stock up on food and build a secret underground bunker?  Start learning how to farm?  Move to the countryside and buy some guns?

Ok, sure.  Maybe those things will work. . .or maybe they won't.  Even if it were true, we still can't really predict what the outcome will be.  It's probable that a lot of people would die, it's probable that there would be food scarcity, at least for a while why we figured things out. . .and maybe there wouldn't be anything we could do anyway. . .even processed food has to come from real food that has grown on the earth at some point.  Healthy ecosystems are also important for growth. . .so we might be out of luck as far as both our knowledge and traditions go.

Anyway, you could start thinking really deeply about this and try to plan what you would do and maybe get paranoid and actually take steps to improve your situation if the worst case scenario DID occur and try to invest in gold and start growing your own food and/or stockpile food, build a time capsule, invent food that will withstand climate disaster, build earthquake proof and hurricane proof and etc. etc. proof shelters. . .go to war with others who might impede our survival by surviving. . .

wait a minute. . .doesn't all of that sound very similar to what we are all doing or passively participating in already??

My point is that most of us are living in the future.  We are living as if we are going to live until a distant time in the future that. . .logically. . .if we continue to live that way. . .we will never reach.  We put off things that we enjoy or that we love to do. . .things that fill us with love and laughter and life, because we believe that we will live until a time when we are better able to enjoy those things.  The situation will be better, we will be better, they will be better, things will improve and THEN we can do the things we want to do.  We can go to that place we've always wanted to go or do that thing we've always wanted to do or see those people we'd been meaning to see. . .

I believe that most people are scared at first, to face the present, because it is so vast and so full of unknown and also potential.  We are also trained to think. . .think think think think think think so we don't have any time to actually BE in the present.  To really be in the present you have to stop thinking. . .as soon as thought is involved you are transported out of the present to a different place.  Interestingly enough, the present is the only thing that really exists.  And yet, we're so disconnected from it, distracted by illusions of a future that will never come and a past that never was.  We can't see what's happening around us for what it is and be in that moment, the only place we actually have the power to act.

But anyway, back to climate change and the apocalypse and all of that.  I'm beginning to find those ideas liberating in a sense because if you take the "pessimistic" scientist's approach, we probably have about 5 years, maximum before we're in the "climate catastrophe" category. . .if we continue at our current rate.  Of course, this isn't REALLY as bad as it all sounds because the earth itself will be fine, it will just change drastically from what we know and make the way we are living currently, impossible.  We ourselves, or people we love would die, our lifestyle would be completely different, we would have to work together in order to have any chance of survival. . .probably.  Animal and human life may cease entirely. . .who knows. . .anything is possible really.  BUT ANYTHING IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE!  It is not JUST because of climate change or the apocalypse or Y2K or nuclear doomsday or aliens or WHATEVER. . .anything literally COULD happen at ANY TIME.  We could all die tomorrow or in an hour or December 21st 2012. 

So why are we doing things we hate doing?  STILL!?  You might die?  Or the future would become more uncertain??  Wait.  Really?!  The future is ALWAYS uncertain.  You ALWAYS might die.  Why don't you just do what you want to do?  Then, if you die, you won't ever regret it. . .no matter when it is! 

After thousands of years, thousands of books, thousands of prophets, scholars, artists, scientists, civilizations, politicians, historians, etc. etc. etc. , TECHNOLOGY!  We have access to all the information in the world (mostly!) at our fingertips (mostly!) and are we any better off REALLY than before?  we're still afraid, we're still not doing what we love to do.  We hate each other (which usually stems from fear. . .).  We're actually driving ourselves faster and faster towards our own destruction NOW that we have all of the information of our entire human history.  wtf is that??  If anything, it is a testament to the fact that WE WILL NEVER SATIATE OUR DESIRE TO KNOW.  There will always be an unknown.  And that I think, is actually the secret.

To know that you don't know and you will never know and be ok with that.  Now is as good as any other time.  Not knowing is the most intimate.  And if climate change and the apocalypse are the only things that can finally teach us that. . .to bring us back to wonder at the amazingness of simply being, to help us realize that being fully alive and awake in the present moment is all we need to overcome fear and realize our full potential. . .then bring it on.

You are free to resume your present thoughts and life, if you want to.  Go forth and love :)

That'll Be the Day

When a woman
who is poor
who is uneducated
who is unwed
who is Black, Indigenous, Dalit, 部落民, or from any other ethnic group that faces discrimination
who is homosexual
who is overweight

is voluntarily given the same respect, social status, opportunities and recognition before the law as her opposite. . . .


I may THEN be able to concede that indeed, humankind has progressed past our ancestors; primates.



Also, I really enjoyed watching "The Whistleblower" starring Rachel Weisz today (even though it came out in 2010) and it definitely inspired what I wrote above.  Recommend!

Job Searching. . .

I'm looking for a position that:

Pays at least moderately well.  You know, so I could say. . .rent an apartment and pay the necessary living expenses involved, have meals 3 times a day, travel home (or to another destination) on occasion, make bike repairs as needed, be able to go out with friends a couple times a week and save some for the future.

I desire to work in every day that I am required to work (or at the very least the majority of days I am required to work).  If work is going to require a large portion of my time, it follows that I should enjoy that work and certainly, will perform better if I do.

Doesn't require all of my time and energy.  Although I would like to be invested and feel a purpose for working in whatever position I may find (that satisfies my conditions, of course), what's the point of working to make money to work to make money to work to make money to work to make money etc. repeat until death or retirement?

Helps me to develop my skills and interests simultaneously, both personal and professional, whatever they may be.  In this category I would accept anything related to Japanese/English language, International experience and relations, cycling, reading, cooking delicious vegetarian/vegan food, organic farming. . .etc.

Doesn't directly OR indirectly harm people (be they in my country of employment or otherwise) OR the environment.  This can include a pension plan that is invested in companys/coorporations who are scrutinized for destroying the homelands/environment/living conditions of people and violating their basic human rights (even if they are not in the country in which I am working), extracting resources that are polluting the environment in the extraction process, following a long transportation, and thus CO2 emitting, line, not paying workers in the country of extraction fair wages or working to develop their local economy (and if the amount being paid to the country for their resources could be called "fair" but it is being eaten be government officials and/or their sons/daughters, it doesn't count).

Is committed to developing and investing in a sustainable future for all of the 7 billion people living on this earth.  A position that doesn't only exist because of the number of people it can exploit or have under it's finger or the forests and water tables that it's destroying.  A position that isn't just going along with "the way that it's always been" because "the way that it's always been" clearly does NOT work for the majority of 7 billion people nor will it work when natural resources (LIKE WATER!) which are already scarce for many, become non-existent/unusable for everyone.

Is fun and restores my faith in humanity and the world. . .

is that so much to ask?

Memory Dump

Yesterday I was having a great conversation with Sifu. I had done my testing (first test ever in Kung Fu) and went to watch the Habs game at the local bar after with my friends. I was really hungry but I'm not a big fan of bar food. I'm mostly vegetarian and have an affinity towards healthy food. . .not because I'm overly concerned with my diet, just because fried, unbalanced, cheesy, greasy food makes me feel shitty. . .generally. But that was all there was. . .and despite my hunger I mostly ended up drinking a lot of beer (contradictory to my health pitch above, I realize). Anyway, Sifu came to the bar into the second period of the game and we started talking about what we usually end up talking about: Taoism, philosophy, consciousness, chakras, the great one, all those kinds of things that can't really be articulated well, pretty interesting conversations!

The Kung Fu school also asked me to do a demonstration tomorrow of the form that I learned. I've only been learning the form for 4 weeks. Usually people don't pick up forms so quickly I guess and mine is not great, but they were impressed by the fact that I was able to go through the moves confidently despite my lack of training. As I understand it, Kung Fu takes a lifetime to master. . .perfection is not possible, because you need to be open-minded and always eager to learn more. You should always be willing to question everything you know and always accept that everything you know is wrong. It's the Kung Fu way of learning. . .it's also very hard for most people to really let go of everything they've learned, because eventually it requires you to let go of your ego and separation and. . .well, ya, literally everything. Not an easy task.

I noticed, during testing many of the female students had a lot of difficulty when their test was being done. When I worked with the same students during class, they were mostly fine. . .at least much better, but during testing they would lose much of their confidence and make a lot of errors. As a confident woman, I recognize that confident women are quite hard to come by. Women are put down all the time by lots of sources and if that's all you know, it's easy to be consumed by it. Everywhere you look there are ads, commercials, "friends", family, boyfriends, books, etc, telling you that you're not good enough and to be happy or attractive or whatever, you need to fit a certain image or mould that doesn't really exist. It's very hard to be a woman and be free of insecurities about your image, your self-worth, your actions, etc. There are very few positive role models who sincerely convey the message that it's ok to be exactly who you are and that loving yourself is key. I guess really the same argument can be made for any oppressed group and eventually it is important for the oppressed to free themselves mentally from these ideas and concepts. They only have as much power as you give them.

But a little push in the right direction never hurt anybody right?
So my demonstration tomorrow is to give a boost of confidence to a lot of the ladies that will be in attendance. Sifu thought it would help and be encouraging and I am absolutely on board if that is the reason (I normally wouldn't want to show-off but I have no problem doing it if he thinks it will influence others to have more confidence in themselves).

Another conversation that I had in my head yesterday and today as a result of yesterday was also somewhat of the feminist persuasion.
I try to be myself most of the time. I don't like putting on airs or pretending to be something I'm not. I also would ideally like to talk openly about sex but I feel that in some situations it's dangerous to do so as a woman (ok yes, obviously). I like to talk about sexuality to my female friends and male friends that I know and trust. . .but even then, they sometimes get the wrong idea and think that I'm talking about sex because I'm interested in them, or else why would I be bringing it up? The thing is, I like to challenge common ideas of sexuality. I get offended when words like "slut" and "whore" are used to describe women, for obvious reasons, but just in case it's not obvious to some people: I don't understand why there is such a negative connotation for females that enjoy having sex! Why must we be punished with this word that obviously has a very negative connotation for having multiple partners or not wanting to settle down or not being sure really what we want? Guys are the same way, but escape the name calling. It's the good old double standard that's been around since forever. It's stupid and unfair AND unrealistic.

I think it's necessary to call people out on this. I think it's necessary to push the envelope and say what may be considered outrageous or controversial or inappropriate. . .sometimes. If I'm not open about how I really feel when my guy friends are talking about how much they hate girls that don't shave 'down there' or question their word choices when they call a woman a "slut" or talk openly about how much I enjoy sex. . .then they will never know that they're being offensive. Their views, which I believe to be at least part of the reason that women are so insecure in the first place, need to be challenged. However, when I am open in my opinion of these things, I risk getting tagged as "a tease" or "easy" or maybe a "bitch". . .I dunno. Not that I really care what they think. I'm just trying to be free. I don't want to impress or manipulate or even sleep with them I just want to speak the truth. I'd appreciate it if it could be taken for just that instead of like a juicy steak being waved in front of a dog's face.
I think that's most of my rant. I'm starting Otesha in 3 days!