Train from Chennai to Delhi. 36 hours. Fortunately we left at 7:15pm which meant two sleeps on the train. For practical reasons, I hate traveling during the day. At night,
especially in India,
especially as a woman, there is not much you can do outside anyways, so time spent traveling on a train, is not time wasted. Though traveling at night in most places can be more dangerous, this isn't so much of a concern with the train. It's pretty noisy, to be fair and can be hot. . .but it's great for catching up on reading, thinking, listening to music, chatting with friends you're traveling with, and meeting locals. . .because when you're sitting with people for 36 hours in India, curiosity WILL get the better of them.
After the first couple of stops, a man comes into the train and takes his seat in the lower berth across from our three. He chains his luggage under the seat (which myself and my 2 traveling companions from Manipur) haven't deemed necessary) and tries to make himself comfortable. He asks us where we're from. I tell him I'm from Canada but it takes a few repetitions to convey the message. He asks where my friends are from and I say Manipur. He doesn't seem to understand that they are also Indians, since they look quite different than North or even South Indians. In fact, I'm somewhat interested to see how this knowledge will be taken. On the train towards Chennai from Delhi the conductor (? The guy who goes through the train and checks the tickets) was quite blatantly rude to the 3 of us. We had a ticket and had been on the waiting list for confirmed seats earlier that day and before the train 2 of our seats had been confirmed which should have meant we were waiting for one more seat to come free. It's probable that we actually had 3 confirmed seats by the time the train left, however, a huge group of people got on the train at Delhi without confirmed seats (not an uncommon phenomenon)and we ended up with even less than 2 seats/berths between the 3 of us. When we tried to ask the conductor if we had a 3rd seat confirmed he replied rudely that there was "no chance for an extra seat". My friend tried to ask him when it might change (since most people would probably be getting off before Chennai). He said it wouldn't (Later on a different conductor came around and was more than able to find us a seat, even 3 seats together!). My friends were quite upset by the behaviour of this man. They kept referring to North Indians being "like this" because Manipuri people look different, they always treat them badly. I know that their feelings likely come from multiple experiences with this kind of treatment, and racism is always hurtful and should not be tolerated, but I still tried to say that certainly not all North Indians are like that and maybe this guy just had some bad curry today. . .or his child decided to be an artist instead of an engineer. . .or perhaps he has 7 daughters and can't afford to pay all of their dowries so he has to put other people down to make himself feel better. . .I wanted to go talk to him. My friends wouldn't let me.
Anyway, back to the journey back from Chennai. My friend starts trying to explain, "Manipur" and finally switches to Hindi to make himself better understood. He seems embarrassed and claims his Hindi is bad, but it's much better than mine, anyway. Besides, if you can already speak 3 languages fluently, you could be forgiven for some difficulty speaking your fourth. The man tells us he is from Agra but is going to Jaipur to see his daughter who is studying accounting at college there. The man seems satisfied for the time being knowing where we are from and soon after we all climbed into our respective berths to sleep.
The next day, on the way back from the bathroom I was accosted by another man who asked if he could talk to me for a few minutes. I found his formalities somewhat funny. He asked: "Where are you from?", "What are you doing in India", "How do you like India", commented on my answer saying that "even if you didn't like India, of course you would say that you liked it", "What do your parents do?", "What is your religion?". . .then he proceeded to try to convert me to Christianity by telling me about how he used to be a Hindu but realized that it was far better to put your faith in Christ. . . .*sigh*. I said that I thought it was important to love everyone and treat everyone how you would want to be treated (like in Christianity! he replied! Yes. and in Buddhism and Islam and Hinduism. . .etc) and that often times religions teach this rule, but at the same time teach that other religions are wrong or bad and cause hate between each other. . .which doesn't make sense to me. He didn't buy it. . .Eventually i got out of the conversation and headed back to my seat.
This had given the other man sitting across from us enough time to work up the courage to practice his English by asking me more questions. He asked similarly what I was doing in India, how many brothers and sisters I had, why I was in India? He asked me if I didn't love my parents. I said, of course I love my parents. He asked me why I would come to India when my parents are in Canada and why I would travel so much without thinking about staying close to them. He said that in India the sons always stay close to home. Parents take care of their children until they get married, they pay for everything until then. He was shocked that I paid for post secondary school by myself and that I was doing everything by myself. He said that in India families live together and usually the son brings his wife to live together with his parents to help take care of them. Daughters stay at home until they get married and then stay with their husband's family. He decided that it was just a difference in culture. I figured that there were also some other factors, namely that the younger generations tend to be moving out of their family homes and away to cities or foreign countries where there are more opportunities (for lots of reasons that I won't get into here)and leaving their families behind. I commented that families didn't used to separate as much in western countries either but it's been the trend for a number of years. He felt that I must be very smart, and broadminded from traveling so much. I felt that living in a smaller community and learning a more communal way of living wouldn't necessarily make you any less smart and could provide equally important, but certainly different experiences. . .
He asked me to talk to his daughter on the phone since he was so impressed that I was self-dependent. I talked to her for a few minutes, but it was of course, awkward since we don't know each other and difficult to hear because of the train. But in the end I really enjoyed the conversation I had with this man on the train.
Parental concern and love for their children is, I think, universal, though it sometimes shows itself in different ways, there is usually at least an element of awkward or "special"-ness in the ways parents show their love. Having children get in touch with random contacts of their parents' who they think can guide them and give them assistance (or possibly dissuade them from doing something their parents are afraid of them doing) is something my parents have done too. . .so I understand the awkwardness that his daughter was probably feeling. . .but at the same time, it was quite cute and endearing.
When we arrived in Agra, it was sad to see him go.
